I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
