Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
