after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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