after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
His nipple licking is glorious
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