Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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