just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
