Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
