New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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