And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
