I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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