I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
