Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
