The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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