you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize