I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
