im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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