On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
