Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
