her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
