remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
