I didn't shave. On purpose
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
