Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize