my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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