they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
