He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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