I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
