Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize