It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
