Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
