I want to stick my p in your. b.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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