There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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