get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
