Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
