btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
