had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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