May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
