You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
