my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
