I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
