When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
