every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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