Nicole vs. Life
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
