I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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