Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
