RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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