my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
