my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Congratulations! We have a period
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