So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
