Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
