hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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