Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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