Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
