A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
