My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
