I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
