Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
