What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
