I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
