Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
