I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
