Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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