Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So much rum. So many feels.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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