when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
only if we run a train.
done.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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