The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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