stop calling my apartment porn island.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
