Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
