Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
