omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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