if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
