i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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