Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
what day is it and did you see me today?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
