it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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