don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
