I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
