i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
