When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
