Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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