He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
