I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize