i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm at about main and main street
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
