I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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