My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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