If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
