Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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