Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
