I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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