according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
