it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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