Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
