i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
YAS. BRING CRAB.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize