I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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