theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
