i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
