Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I queefed so loud it echoed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
