but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
