Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
