Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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