$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
