I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
