this beer tastes like vomit already
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
