Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
